Whoops!

Well, thanks to my older sis, TMiYC, I now realize that I apparently had some goofy comment settings. I apologize to anyone who tried to comment and encountered word captcha prompts. I believe I have corrected the issue. Sorry!

Apology aside, I have been very productive. My sister and nephew are visiting for the long weekend, which has been awesome. I made apple spice cake. Hung out with friends. Celebrated the 70th birthday of a very dear, beloved man. Played with my little girl. Napped with my little girl. Heck, I even thought about writing. Quite a lot. That counts, right? Maybe tomorrow I’ll do more than think about writing… I mean, they do say “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?”

Okay, that’s really not my motto to live by, I swear it. It’s just a coincidence that it happens to be true.

-The Rambler

Real World Time

So, now that I’m all caught up on what I’ve been up to since my solitary 2010 entry, here we go “for realz”.

Back in 2010, I truly thought I would post weekly or monthly updates here. Not so! After a while of brutal neglect of this blog, my sister kindly reminded me that writing a blog does actually help the creative process. The reminder was quite public. You can check out her gentle and humorous nudge here: I’ll Love You More if You Blog

When I read the post (mind you, she ran the post by me prior to posting, since she’s responsible like that!), I laughed and then thought “Who has time for that?! I’m a new mom and I’m barely finding time to write anyway!” Of course, we make time for things that are important. And ever since I picked up a pen when I was 11 and began writing an atrociously plagiarized fantasy novel, I have loved writing. Deb and I, ever the duo, even came up with pen names at the time. I was “Raven (R.T.) Sangstrom” and she would be “Sarro Sangstrom” – these were also the pseudonyms we used for each other in an alternate universe we created for our then-Emo selves. Ah, those were the days! When dreams were as real as anything tangible!

I never did finish that novel. I got really close – almost as close as I am to finishing Waking Dreams, actually – but I lost steam. Mostly because I made a huge mistake. When I was twelve, I looked over the 130 painstakingly handwritten pages and realized that it was entirely rubbish. Wholly unoriginal. My little brother had read the whole thing and loved it, but he was only 9. Actually, he was really ticked off and threatened to burn or tear the pages of my book if I didn’t finish it. Luckily, he wasn’t nearly half the terror he pretended to be. He only hid the pages, he didn’t destroy them. Kind of like he hid my “Best of the 70s” tape rather then destroying it when I listened to “How Do You Do” and “Brand New Key” too many times.

Anyway, that’s a little background into why, after all this time, I am back into the world of blogging! If you find this blog wretched, you now know who to blame: my sis, TMiYC. Go to her blog and tell her I suck. (Not because I want you to deal with the wrath of my older sister. Nope. Not at all. Ok, maybe a little. I dare you.) If you like the blog, then it’s all me. 100%. I can be silly, I can be serious, and I do rather enjoy the nonsensical, so be warned.

Most of all, whatever your feelings, thanks for reading.

Love and Peace!

-The Rambler

Well, it has been quite some time since my last post. I swear I had every intention of updating this blog regularly. Really. *ahem*

That being said, quite a bit has happened in the interim. In 2010, I lost my mother to what felt like a very short bout with neuroendocrine cancer. I took time off work to take her to her chemotherapy, and then, to take care of her in her final months. ¬†After she passed, I struggled with all of the usual caregiver doubts. I worried that I hadn’t given my mom enough pain medicine to cope with her pain, or that I gave her too much and it hastened her end. Did I offer her enough liquids? Should I have forced food on her more frequently? Was she comfortable? Why didn’t I say what I wanted to say so many times? Did she hear me when I told her I loved her at the end, and that we would remember the light she brought into this world?

For that first year, every time I thought about my mother, I felt I was reliving the pain of losing her all over again. I felt that deep feeling of regret and hurt, a loss that I wish no one ever had to feel. Time and again, I saw that woman around town, with hardly any hair dressed in a pink jump suit and tan jacket, that made me stop in my tracks, fighting the urge to chase her down crying “Mom! Is that you?!” Every time I saw this woman, I knew it was not my mother. I had watched her body be laid to rest in the cold, wet ground of the cemetery.

Once I returned to work, there was continued turmoil. It may or may not have been influenced by my grief, before I finally switched jobs. My new job is fantastic and fits very well with my spouse working towards a masters in Neuroscience.

At the end of 2011, I welcomed my very first child into the world. My sweet little girl. Prior to her delivery, I struggled with the knowledge that my mom would never meet my daughter. My mom had always told me that my husband and I would make beautiful babies. Then our little girl came along and turn our world on its head. Oh, how right my mom was! In so many ways. Like she predicted, I have never loved any person or thing as much as I love that little girl. All those little things that used to put me in STRESS! mode fell away. So long as I can keep her safe, sound, happy, and loved… the world is as it should be.

There were a lot of big and little things that happened between 2010 and now that I have simply glossed over. Now, my little girl is five months old and I am even closer to finishing my very first novel. It is still titled “Waking Dreams”. Someday it may have a better title, but I will wait until I finish these last few chapters before committing.

Hopefully my posts hereafter will be (a) more frequent and (b) more cheerful.
– The Rambler

Inaugural Post

So, my very first blog! I even know how to pronounce “blog” after being laughed at by my darling husband. Apparently, “Bee-log” makes computer scientists giggle.

Anyhow, my hope is to record any thought, dream, or vaguely writing related notion here, so my poor friends on FaceBook don’t cry in horror anytime they see another note published by yours truly. Not that the notes have been THAT horrible (okay, they can be way too long for the purposes of FaceBook), but here we are.
I will try not to be too Emo at times, but be warned – I tend to the extremes of silly AND sad. Writing helps me process, so once it’s out on the page, it’s done. Until the next post, of course!
If you accidentally stumble on this page than 1) I hope you find something you enjoy, or 2) Know that I’m sorry if you don’t!
And if you’re into the world of horror, I will keep you updated on the progress of my novel, Waking Dreams.
Feel free to add your thoughts on the title. I personally hate it. It was the first name that sprung into my head two years ago, and I can’t seem to shake it.
-The Rambler