Well, it has been quite some time since my last post. I swear I had every intention of updating this blog regularly. Really. *ahem*

That being said, quite a bit has happened in the interim. In 2010, I lost my mother to what felt like a very short bout with neuroendocrine cancer. I took time off work to take her to her chemotherapy, and then, to take care of her in her final months.  After she passed, I struggled with all of the usual caregiver doubts. I worried that I hadn’t given my mom enough pain medicine to cope with her pain, or that I gave her too much and it hastened her end. Did I offer her enough liquids? Should I have forced food on her more frequently? Was she comfortable? Why didn’t I say what I wanted to say so many times? Did she hear me when I told her I loved her at the end, and that we would remember the light she brought into this world?

For that first year, every time I thought about my mother, I felt I was reliving the pain of losing her all over again. I felt that deep feeling of regret and hurt, a loss that I wish no one ever had to feel. Time and again, I saw that woman around town, with hardly any hair dressed in a pink jump suit and tan jacket, that made me stop in my tracks, fighting the urge to chase her down crying “Mom! Is that you?!” Every time I saw this woman, I knew it was not my mother. I had watched her body be laid to rest in the cold, wet ground of the cemetery.

Once I returned to work, there was continued turmoil. It may or may not have been influenced by my grief, before I finally switched jobs. My new job is fantastic and fits very well with my spouse working towards a masters in Neuroscience.

At the end of 2011, I welcomed my very first child into the world. My sweet little girl. Prior to her delivery, I struggled with the knowledge that my mom would never meet my daughter. My mom had always told me that my husband and I would make beautiful babies. Then our little girl came along and turn our world on its head. Oh, how right my mom was! In so many ways. Like she predicted, I have never loved any person or thing as much as I love that little girl. All those little things that used to put me in STRESS! mode fell away. So long as I can keep her safe, sound, happy, and loved… the world is as it should be.

There were a lot of big and little things that happened between 2010 and now that I have simply glossed over. Now, my little girl is five months old and I am even closer to finishing my very first novel. It is still titled “Waking Dreams”. Someday it may have a better title, but I will wait until I finish these last few chapters before committing.

Hopefully my posts hereafter will be (a) more frequent and (b) more cheerful.
– The Rambler

Inaugural Post

So, my very first blog! I even know how to pronounce “blog” after being laughed at by my darling husband. Apparently, “Bee-log” makes computer scientists giggle.

Anyhow, my hope is to record any thought, dream, or vaguely writing related notion here, so my poor friends on FaceBook don’t cry in horror anytime they see another note published by yours truly. Not that the notes have been THAT horrible (okay, they can be way too long for the purposes of FaceBook), but here we are.
I will try not to be too Emo at times, but be warned – I tend to the extremes of silly AND sad. Writing helps me process, so once it’s out on the page, it’s done. Until the next post, of course!
If you accidentally stumble on this page than 1) I hope you find something you enjoy, or 2) Know that I’m sorry if you don’t!
And if you’re into the world of horror, I will keep you updated on the progress of my novel, Waking Dreams.
Feel free to add your thoughts on the title. I personally hate it. It was the first name that sprung into my head two years ago, and I can’t seem to shake it.
-The Rambler